My daughter is such a sweetie pie

Nobody is perfect but when I look at my daughter, she's so perfect its unbelievable...but when she screams, okayyy, nobody is perfect ;p

New Template

 I want to revamp my blog so that I'll get in the mood of writing again...or publishing my posts..sigh sigh..

I want to keep on writing

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

I am going to raise my baby the way I want to. And that is not alone. I am probably on the move with my little girl without hubby most of the time but to be there and with no support group, I don’t think I want to.

There are many factors as to why and I wish they would just ask. I could explain. There’s a list.

In the meantime, she’s mine and I love her to bits and pieces and I want to hug her all the time.

My Baby Girl 28 February 2012

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum :))

Alhamdulillah, surely Allah is Most Merciful as she is so beautiful~

38 Weeks and Nervous...

This life, it hurts :'(

This life, it hurts sometimes, and you cry to sleep and you wake up heavy-hearted, but remember: the earth does not stop. Your heart keeps going and your limbs keep moving and you sleep it off, you wake up new, and you face the day with eager, shining eyes, and you love with a full, full heart.

Unknown

How do I save a student when she's nearly drowing?

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


I teach classes for Form 3 & 5 at night and there's this student, cute and cheerful, her name is R.


After class, she wanted me to eat dinner at her food stall so I obliged with all the other girls. I have heard stories about her from the other teachers that she's something. She scores in her exams but she doesnt practise Islam and she has slept with her boyfriends. Yet, she respects me and never fails to entertain me with her essays and good sentence structure even not a perfect one.


So I went to her stall and ordered the stall's signature dish and while I waited, I looked around only to see the root of her destruction.


Her grandfather is sipping coffee smoking with lips as black as the back of a pot. Mother is the one doing the cooking. Father is sitting with his friends playing cards whilst drinking and smoking. Older sister is feeding her baby who's wearing worn-out clothes and what seem like a diaper about to fall off. The baby is not clean I presume. Older brother is hanging out with his rempit friends. Younger brother and younger sister are glued to the idiot box.


and when she served me the meal, I lost my appetite.

Go Away Sadness

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum

I know that there are so many people out there who have it so much worse than me and that I'm only suffering so little. I know this. and I know all the consolations there is. I know. and no matter how many times I say I know, you still need to remind me.

Because I can't think of anything +ve right now and since that day and since I can't remember when. none at all.

I hardly see any rainbows. Just the glaring sun angry at me and then the storm. punishing me.

So this is what a meltdown feels like.

or is it a heartbreak? maybe a nervous breakdown?

For Myself, Please Renew Your Niat Everytime You Teach!

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum


Inspired by an article from Suhaibwebb, I would like to remind myself to:


RENEW, REFRESH, RECONDITION, RENOVATE, RESTORE, REVAMP


my INTENTION every morning I wake up to go to school and teach!!


and I do because I always want the kids to achieve something, anything good that would benefit them, their religion, their family, society and country!


and that's what makes me frustrated when I see that they're not going anywhere! I almost always feel like I have given more than 100% but then the outcomes don't satisfy me and I get exasperated and feel like a failure! No wonder most teachers become stressful! But I am comforted by the excerpt that;


“[And it will be said], ‘Indeed, this is for you a reward, and your effort has been appreciated.’” (Qur’an, 76:22)


nothing ever goes to waste. In the verse above, Allah subhanahu wa ta`alasa’y (effort) is appreciated; it is recognized. That is what we get rewarded for. Whether or not we succeed, it is ultimately the effort that we put in that Allah (swt) takes into account. One of Allah’s Names is Ash-Shakoor: He is Appreciative of what you do, no matter how small, and He rewards it abundantly. Imagine: Allah (swt) is so appreciative, He even rewards our intention! Therefore, we know that those who intend to do well, but cannot do it, are still rewarded. This feeling of failure is actually a deception from shaytan to deter us from trying. He promotes neglect: “Don’t work on your relationship with your parents, they’ll never change,” and makes us doubt: “do you really think that your tiny effort is going to have an effect?” But Allah (swt) rewards you when you try because your trying is testament to the fact that even though you know you are a minor player, you are doing it for His sake.


So I shouldn't be in doubt of my efforts, instead I should double, no, triple my exertion and determination in teaching! I should be able to work hard especially in providing my students with quality education in a system that seem to always wanna break and bring me down. Even though most of my students lack the basic knowledge of the target language and even the fifth formers can't even speak and write primary level English Language, I should be able to get pass this by doing research on what and how best to teach them and then guiding them patiently and helping them get through this. When I'm writing this, I feel that it sounds easier and doable but in actual fact, I know that what I have been through and what I am going through now is an ongoing challenging task and that I need to stand up straight and proud and fight!


Sometimes we deal with Allah (swt) as though He is a human being Who doesn’t know about the worry we feel, the stress, the striving. When we fail to see the results of our effort, we think that we failed and that it was a waste of time. But Allah (swt) tells us:

“And never is your Lord forgetful…” (Qur’an, 19:64)

It's not that I don't know this but as a weak human being, I have a tendency to fall to my knees and dissolve in tears and then comes a soft nasty whisper blowing in my ear saying that I don't have to try so hard because it's not like the students will change, like ever! But then I look at them and even though I admit sometimes I drop a notch from the 100%, I get back up and try again differently and see the result to at least 1 student...but at least its better than none right?


I love this post, do read!


nothing-is-ever-wasted

Its okay to be jiwang sometimes ;"p

Bismillah, Assalamualaikum






The most upsetting part about not living together after marriage
is that no matter how hard and tight I hold my husband close to me
I still miss him so badly
and doesnt it break your heart to look at me
as much as it breaks my heart when I have to let him go?